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发表于 2018-3-26 21:15:46
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张云帆：我给人民的自白书
感谢北京大学钱理群、孔庆东、张千帆、李零、陈波、柴晓明、宋磊等多位师长和张耀祖、李明骐、汤敏等海内外北大校友；感谢黄纪苏、旷新年、祝东力、秦晖、于建嵘、徐友渔和宋阳标、陈洪涛、范景刚等400余位社会各界的老师、朋友们！
感谢你们的仗义执言，使我得以重见天日。
请原谅我不能一一拜访，向你们表达我的谢意！
我是2017年12月29日被取保候审的。但结束了30天的刑事拘留和14天的监视居住之后，我发现，对自己的考验才刚刚开始。
我无法把这一页掀过去，只能直面这种考验。
有人说我是北大学生，是学霸，是个不那么利己的精英。
然而，马克思主义者和“毛左”，这个被不同的人赋予了不同含义的标签，才是我最珍视的身份。
我能看到，剥削和压迫从未在世界上消失。
家里有很多国企工人，令我自幼懂得国企改制中老工人的毕生心血如何被蚕食，亲眼见证他们被抛向社会，风雨飘摇；而更广大的弱势群体，无非黑煤窑脚手架血汗工厂，其生命轨迹，无非献了青春献终身，献了终身献子孙。
“我咽下这工业的废水，失业的订单/那些低于机台的青春早早夭亡/我咽下奔波，咽下流离失所/咽下人行天桥，咽下长满水锈的生活/我再也咽不下了/所有我曾经咽下的现在都从喉咙汹涌而出/在祖国的领土上谱成一首/耻辱的诗”
崛起背后，阴影长长，一寸光环，一寸血色。
诗人坠下高楼，信念冉冉升起。
这就是我立志忠于劳动人民，信仰马克思主义的全部原因。
网上某些传言是真实的，北大读书期间，我确实曾是北大马克思主义学会的会员。我和大学里的同路人不仅在读书会上研读那些理论著作，弱势群体所在之处也会有我们的身影。经过数不清的唱歌跳舞讲新闻放电影英语班，渐渐我发现，无论走到哪里，都有校工大哥大姐和我打招呼——在打饭的时候，总会多那么一勺。
毕业后我来到广州，除了参加工作，自力更生之外，生活没有什么不同。说得高尚一些，我在广东工业大学中继续一点一点践行着理想，其实无非是继续参加读书会和志愿活动。
在被拘捕的那次读书会上，我们讨论了几十年来的历史进程和社会问题——涉及重大历史事件、劳动者地位权利等等。我们讨论作为青年人应当如何解决这些问题。我承认，我们还谈到了29年前有大学生参与其中的那场风波。
一定有人会好奇，我的言论是否真的过激。
当然不如报纸电视教科书那么标准化，如果按照上述标准，承认社会有问题就足够“过激”了，讨论“如何解决”无疑更“过激”。
但世界上每一个国家都有它的社会问题，都会有人对问题的解决之道提出各种各样的看法，这难道也是一种罪过？
这是权利！
宪法赫然写道，“中华人民共和国公民有言论、出版、集会、结社、游行、示威的自由”，若言论有“过激”，那“自由”毫无意义！
不过，如果拘捕我的原因是“讨论社会问题”，那至少让我感觉尚且受到了严肃对待。11月15日带走我的时候，警方看我从事教育行业便给我安了一个“非法经营罪”。或许因为过于滑稽，正式刑拘时换成了“聚众扰乱社会秩序罪”——我一个24岁的青年竟然威力如此巨大，能够导致一所上千亩的大学“工作、生产、营业和教学、科研、医疗无法进行”？
这不正是欲加之罪，何患无辞。
我被要求承认有密谋活动——真的有什么密谋组织吗？
读书会需要什么密谋组织呢？广场舞需要什么密谋组织呢？读书会上种种必要的简单分工，难道就是什么“密谋组织”吗？
我还被要求承认自己有“极端思想”，保证以后再也不参加读书会，被要求“供出”更多有相同思想的人。
看守所冰冷的地板，八小时连续不断的审讯，监视居住的绝对孤独，太多太多精神折磨，难以言说。当被告知更多的人会因我被抓捕，父母会被连累的时候，我承认，我没能顶住这种巨大的精神压力，只想快点了结，哪怕自己进监狱，只要能让其他青年和家人得到安宁。所以，我妥协了。
没有料到随后会被取保候审。监视居住的绝对孤独岁月让我话都说不清楚，思维也十分迟缓。
经过十几天恢复，我终于回过神来——更没有料到：我的妥协竟如此苍白无用！
虽然这次因读书会受到牵连的孙婷婷、郑永明、叶建科几位青年也与我一同取保候审，但左翼青年徐忠良、黄理平、韩鹏和我的女友顾佳悦却被网上追逃！我们的罪名并没被取消，依然是待罪之身——尤其是徐忠良四人，他们现在就是被网上追逃的“逃犯”！
我不敢想象，他们四人现在处于什么境地。一闭上眼，就仿佛看到了当年在国统区，那呼啸的警车、刺耳的警笛和手持通缉令的密探追捕那些东躲西藏、找不到一处存身之地的进步青年们！
而我，也可以沉默不语——按警方指示，“谨言慎行”，回归“正常”的生活，放上一张平静的书桌，躲进小楼成一统，从此去做一个“精致的利己主义者”。但却要一辈子背负不属于自己的罪名，一辈子远离读书会和我热爱的劳动人民。
更何况，我还要眼睁睁地看着其他左翼青年被四处追逃拘捕！
并非出身名校的他们不会像我这么幸运，能在大家的呼吁下走出来——他们连广州都出不去，更没有当年的延安可以投奔，只能去经历何其漫长的监禁岁月！
我走出了监狱，可是套上了良心的枷锁；逃脱了法庭，但永远遭受道义的审判。
甚至我们都是微不足道的。但自此之后，任何理想青年都可以被抓捕，任何读书会都可以被定罪，任何志愿活动都可以被控制，理想精神不可触碰，言论自由极端廉价，马克思毛泽东都是笑话！
要多么无情无义，才会在此刻低头？！
我听到许多“适可而止”“中庸之道”“退一步海阔天空”。
我当然能理解这是对我善意的关怀。但我怎能躲开我的同志，去做那个“精致的利己主义者”？
更不必说，“言论自由”受宪法保护，无所谓适可而止；毛泽东思想旗帜鲜明，从不是“中庸之道”；我“退一步”让自己“海阔天空”，但我的同志却要跌下万丈深渊！
——同时跌下万丈深渊的，还有所有青年理想主义者的全部尊严。
与其忍辱偷生，不如迎头面对！我只能说出真相，再不妥协；即便再次经历牢狱之灾，也远胜眼前这苟且的煎熬。
一切善良的人们啊，恳请你看到——你为之奔走的人在这里，他不会辜负你的呐喊。
他将昂首挺胸，面对暴风降至。
他已做好准备！
张云帆
2018年1月15日
ZHANG Yunfan: My Confession to the People
First of all, thanks to Qian Liqun, Kong Qingdong, Zhang Qianfan, Li Zuo, Chen Bo, Chai Xiaoming, Song Le i and many other teachers of Peking University; and Zhang Yaozu, Li Minqi, Tang Min and other PKU alumni at home and abroad; and Huang Jisu, Kuang Xinnian,
Zhu Dongli, Qin Hui, Yu Jianrong, Xu Youyu and Song Yangbiao, Chen Hongtao, Fan Jinggang and more than 400 supporters from all walks of life!
Thank you all for your brave open support, so that I could come out of detention and be able to enjoy the sunshine again!
Please forgive me of being unable to express my gratitude to you in person!
I was released on bail on December 29, 2017. But after 30 days of “criminal detention” and 14 days of surveillance confinement, I found that the test of myself was just beginning. 丨 cannot let it pass but face it bravely.
Some say that I am a Peking University student, an ‘elite student’，though not a so self-serving one.
However, my most cherished identity is a Marxist and Maoist ("Mao Zuo"), a label that has been given different meanings by different people.
I can see that exploitation and oppression have never disappeared in the world. Many of my relatives used to be workers of state-owned enterprises. When I was very young, I witnessed how they were deprived everything during the state enterprises reform and thrown into the ‘jungle’ market. The broader vulnerable working class has nothing but to dedicate their youth and then their children to the deadly coal mine s and brutal sweatshop factories.
“I swallowed the industrial waste water, the unemployed orders /
Those lower than the machines died prematurely /
I swallowed running around, swallowed the displacement /
swallowed the pedestrian-bridge, swallowed the life covered with rust /
I could not swallow anymore /
All I have swallowed came out of my throat to transform into a poem of shame,
on the territory of our motherland"
(translator’s note: this poem was written by XU Lizhi, a worker poet who committed suicide in 2014)
Behind the country’s rise, it is the long long bloody shadow.
The poet jumped down from skyscraper, our faith of social change rises...
This is all the reason why I am determined to be loyal to the working people and believe in Marxism.
Some online ‘rumors’ are true, I really was a member of the PKU Marxist club when I was a student there .We did not just study those theoretical works at book-reading sessions, but also went wherever the under-privileged working people were. After singing, dancing, news discussion, movie showing, and English teaching with or for the campus workers, gradually I encountered greetings from these elder brothers and sisters wherever I went on campus. At the cafeteria, I often got special or extra treats.
After graduation I came to Guangzhou, in addition to getting a job to make a living, life is no different. To put it more noble, I continued to stick to my ideals at Guangdong University of Technology by attending reading sessions and volunteer activities. During the reading session when we got arrested, we discussed the historical process and social issues of the past decades, involving major historical events, workers' rights and so on. We discussed how young people should solve these problems. I admit that we also talked about the ‘turmoil’ that the students had been involved in the spring of 1989.
Someone must be curious, were my speech really too radical?
Of course, it was not as ‘standardized’ as the news papers/TV/textbooks tell. According to the mainstream criteria, admitting that there are many problems in the society is already ‘over-limit’, then to discuss how to solve social problems would be too ‘radical’.
Every country in the world has its own social problems. People would have many opinions on the solution to the problems, would that be a crime? No, this is a legal right!
Our Constitution expressively states: "Citizens of the People's Republic of China have the freedom of speech, publication, assembly, association, procession, and demonstration." If ‘radical’ discussion could make someone in criminal detention, then "freedom" is meaningless!
However, if the reason for arresting me was "discussing social issues," at least I felt that I was treated with seriousness. When I was detained on November 15, the police tried to label me with a "crime of illegal business" because I worked in the education industry. Perhaps it sounded too funny, the formal detention was under the crime of "Assembly to disturb the social order ". How can a 24-year-old youth be so powerful to be able to disrupt the "work, product ion, business, teaching, research, or medical services" in a university of over a thousand acres?
This is how anyone can be charge as a criminal out of nothing!
I was forced to admit that丨 was organizing secret activities. Then is there a secret organization?
What kind of secret organization do you need for a reading session? For group dancing in public squares?
All necessary simple division of responsibilities for reading sessions can be defined as ‘secret organization’ ?
I was also asked to admit that I had "extremist ideas ", pledged not to go to reading sessions in the future, and to give out the names of more people with the same ideas. Detention center’s cold floor, eight-hour continuous interrogation, the absolute loneliness during the surveillance confinement, too much mental torture to describe. When I was told that more people would be arrested because of me and my parents would be ‘affected’. I was unable to withstand such tremendous mental stress and wanted only to end it in a hurry, even if I could go to jail but other youth and families could get in peace. So, I compromised.
Then surprisingly丨 was released on bail. Surviving the absolute loneliness of surveillance confinement, for a while I could not speak and think clearly afterwards. After a dozen days of recovery,, I finally realized what I did wrong, and that my compromise was so useless!
Although 3 other young people of the same case (Sun Tingting, Zheng Yongming, Ye Jianke) were also released on bail, there are more left-wing youth (Xu Zhong Liang, Huang Liping, Han Peng, and my girlfriend Gu Jiayue) being online-tracked and pursued by the police! Our ‘crime’ has not been canceled and we are still in a position to get arrested any time, especially the 4 fellows who were never caught by the police and are now "fugitives" who are being pursued online by police.
I cannot imagine how the four of them are now. This must be the same as back in the days in the KMT occupied regions: the roaring police car, the obnoxious sirens, and the secret police with arrest warrants hunting the progressive youths with nowhere to go and nowhere to hide.
And I, too, can remain silent - can follow the instructions of the police: be "cautious", return to "normal" life, lay low in my room, study in front of a superficially calm desk, and become a “self-serving egotist." However, I will have to bear the burden of being convicted of a crime that I have not commit ted and consequently have to stay away from the stud y club and the working people I love.
What's more, I would also have to watch my girlfriend and other left-wing youths being chased for crimes they did not commit!
They will not as fortunate as me, as they do not come from prestigious schools. No one will be calling for their release. They cannot leave Guangzhou, nor can they retreat to Yan’an as back in those days. They are only faced with a long period of imprisonment!
I walked out of jail, but my conscience weighs heavily; | escaped the court, but will forever suffered under my own moral judgment. We are small and insignificant. But from now on, any idealist young man can b e arrested, any study group can be condemned, any volunteer work can be monitored and controlled, the idealistic spirit cannot be touched, the freedom of speech is extremely cheap, and Marx/Mao are all jokes!
How heartless must I be, to bow at this moment?!
I have heard many of you say "you have already done enough," "take the middle road”, “take a step backward, and vast seas and blue skies" await. Of course I understand that these are caring people concerning for me. But how can I hide from my girlfriend and my comrades, and become that "self-serving egotist"?
Not to mention the fact that "freedom of speech and speech" is supposed to be protected by the Constitution and that it cannot matter enough. Mao Tse-tung's theory is very clear and is never "the middle road"; I could have "taken a step backwards" to ensure myself "vast seas and blue skies." However, my girlfriend and comrades would plummet to an abyss.
Also falling into this abyss is the dignity of all young idealists!
Instead of living this humiliating life, it is better to face it! I can only tell the truth, no compromises; even if I may experience jail again, it is far better than this immediate suffering.
All caring people, I urge you to see - the person you are calling for is here, and he will not let you down. He will hold his head high and face the arriving storm!
He is ready!
Zhang Yunfan January 15, 2018 |
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发表于 2018-3-26 21:14:26
